abre los ojos.

things may not be great.

they may not even be good.

but they could be much worse.

why must i insist on being so sensitive artist all the time?

i have amazing friends, an amazing family, sweet kittehs, a killer bod (if u cut it in half), and most importantly, the world at my fingertips.

i'm deciding to let myself be happy and stop letting bad things get the best of me.

i'm ready to have fun. i'm ready to start living. i'm ready to stop hurting. 

:]

let.go.

medically speaking you're adorable.

i've earned my ph.d and i didn't even need med school.

"prescribed pills to offset the shakes that offset the pills you know you should take it at a day at a time."

so fitting i'd swear he wrote it with me in mind.

i'll get through this.

2 weeks and still going [somewhat] strong.

i can do this on my own. 

i want to feel again.

pretty and pink, down the drain.

i'm okay and that's enough.

take my advice.

you'd better think twice.

this heart's turned to ice. 

being this numb's never quite felt so nice. 

red looks good on you.

3 weeks and counting.

not a word. he's finally dead.

and i'm back to life.

hope you have a good (after) life.

ups and downs but no more down and outs.

i honestly live for this time of the year.

it makes me hope (ful/less).

maybe i'll find someone to make my heart race again.

maybe not.

maybe i already have.

[bleed out your broken promises]

open your eyes.

i'm doing this for me. 

but maybe it'll make you see. 

got this skin on and getting comfortable; i'll be staying awhile. 

make the best of the worst.

"but what about these broken mirrors?"

piece them back together.

"i think we can work with this."

makingithappenonebreathatatime.

only makes sense in my head.

that unmistakable ache that starts in your heart and spreads out to your limbs.

even your blood hurts pumping through your veins.

a cruel reminder that this is real.

drain the pain.

how may i please you today?

don't get me wrong, i don't wanna grow up either.

but i'm not a mother, teacher, or a babysitter. 

i don't like dealing with children.

so don't make me. 

thanks. 

the horror of our love [never so much blood]

let me apologize for him ruining this for you.

he cut me open and drained the life out of me.

all gone. the sparks out. dead.

don't get me me wrong love, i want this more than anything.

but the thought of letting you in leaves me shaking.

and in the end, alone. always.

"i could die right now..i'm just exactly where i want to be."

i wish eternal sunshine was real.

i want more than anything to erase you from my mind.

you weren't even close to worth it.

give back the kisses you stole. 

put the heart back together you tore to pieces.

forget this.

my one and lonely.

and it's better off this way.

this wasn't meant for us.

"a scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."

closure.

dismantle. repair.

"she senses you are lonely but still she can't be sure.

and so she stands and waits anticipating your thoughts.
how can she become the psychic that she longs to be to understand you?"

you're awful, i love you.

talk about bad timing.

stand by and watch as a shot at happiness slips through the cracks.

i'll just continue to kill myself every night instead.

vicious cycle.

get me out of my head.

he's by far my worst vice.

"you make cancer look good honey."

you make it easy not to care.

midnight mistakes.

morning meltdowns.

rinse, wash, & repeat.

disappointment follows me closer than my shadow.

just stay away.

inevitable.

always in the waiting room.

and i've got nothing but time.

i'll stay til you're dead [to me].

don't swear me off unless you fucking mean it.

all for you.

too bad we'll never know just how perfect.

no one can hurt me like you can.

killed me with the slight of your hand.

the sick part is, it keeps me alive.

[don't give love then take it away]

get me right.

i thought about what you said to me the other night, and i've finally realized you were always right. never have/could/would be. no us. just you and me. 

there's nothing but air between us anymore. 

heart will be closed indefinitely until he's worth it.

i hope for a love that's like astronomers who describe distant planets.

"i think i made you up inside my head."

didn't feel like i had always imagined it would. 

the impossible is possible. who knew?

they weren't lying when they said falling in love is hard on the knees. 

"it was she who somehow knew you best...and like you, she never forgot that one night where true love seemed possible."

[i'll come back to life for you]