trainwreck.

being your own worst enemy can be exhausting,

what happened to my best friend?

mirror, mirror, please make this girl disappear. 

falling in love with myself is impossible, so i fell for you instead. 

i'll never get that boy out of my head. 

i'm. just. spent.

.

things are looking down.

i'm on empty.

*****

i think about you everyday.

even when i'm kissing [insert name here], i imagine it's you.

shh, don't tell.

stop burning bridges.

drive off of them.

nightmare.

i just had to put this down somewhere while i still remember every detail. in hindsight this may sound silly, but this dream completely shook me to the core. i felt what it feels like to die in my dream. everything started out fine, then i was at my house and it started collapsing in on us because fire was everywhere. i was screaming to my family we have to run but they couldn't hear me and when the roof collapsed they died. i knew i was going to die and i felt like i did ,halfway at least, but somehow i got up. i tried running outside but there was some gas in the air that was so terrible it would kill you anyway; basically the world was ending. fire was everywhere and it was just terrifying. i went back inside, where the fire seemed to have stopped and 2 people were there that looked just like my parents did, although they weren't them. we layed down under blankets to try to avoid the gas in the air and i was crying and asked them if they would be my surrogate parents and love me like mine did. they agreed; but it was like we had hope the world would continue even though we knew those were our last few minutes. so we waited, this went on for what felt like an eternity, waiting for it to end, but nothing happened before i woke up. i am terrified and i have the worst anxiety i've ever felt right now. i'm sitting here in bed crying because it felt too real. i don't have any faith in religion, but at times like now i kinda wish i did. i just hope i never live to see the end of the world, which is kind of a contradiction if you think about it. 

...

when will just spending time with me be enough?

when will there no longer need to be an incentive?

when will i ever be worth your time?

& when will you be worth mine?

sometimes i feel like i can only be loved in hour increments.

when will i find someone to prove me wrong?

believe me, i'm lying.

fill my head with pretty lies,

even when they'll be my demise.

assure me i shouldn't be afraid,

fingers crossed to the promise you made.

pull me in, push me away,

either way, you know i'll stay. 

begin as my life,

then turn to my death.

i'll tell you i love you,

with my last dying breath.