pov.

why can't i see what everyone else apparently does? 

all i keep hearing is that i'm beautiful. 

but all i keep seeing is a complete mess.  

everything's changing.

unlike my usual angsty, brokenhearted blogs, this one's more just to get my future down in writing. 

over the course of 2 1/2 weeks, my life path has veered to the left and i've decided to follow it.

this experience, while it's had its ups and downs, has been completely life changing for me. 

i've finally become comfortable with taking that next step in life of detaching myself from my family. 

moving away has always been the plan, it was just a matter of being able to learn how to be away from those i love most. 

i miss my family and friends, every single second of the day...they're a part of me and just writing about them my heart is aching and tears are falling. 

but i can't let that hold me back from following where my life has taken me. my heart is telling me that this is where i need to be, and i'm listening to it. 

now i have to go through the transfer process again. and signing a new lease. 

but the apartment..the school, those are just small details; the easy part. 

the hardest part is letting go.

i'm starting a new life. essentially, i know no one out here, aside from the friends still finishing up their programs, and as scary as that is, it's also exciting because it leaves opportunity to meet amazing people. 

there's also potential for something great out here with someone, but i'll take that one day at a time. :]

i'm going home for a month in january to get packed, make arrangements, spend as much time with my friends and family as i can, and then i'm starting my new life. 

and i couldn't be more excited. 

to the boy who blocked his own shot.

you're awful, i adore you.

i scream to get out of my life as i cling onto you with all my strength.

you're the most masochistic thing i've ever done, by far.

you bring me down so low i swear i feel like i'm already six feet under.

i fucking hope the thought of his hands all over my body made your stomach turn.

and i hope when i'm gone you realize what you've lost. 

we could've had everything.

but instead, we have nothing.

and never will.

so call it quits or get a grip.